So, I introduce you to me.

Hi. It's me again. I've been here already, I know -- not suprisingly, even within the past year's effort and had good money washed away in the 'newest' and best 'plan' - I still find myself here. I first posted the 156 posts of my blog, where I lost about 40 pounds, two years ago. And then I realized, I needed to move forward, than live in the past - although my ongoing stats were quite fun to see again.

The one thing missing in both of these attempts, one much more successful than the other ... is and was God's strength and continued motivation. Yeah, I agree to those who truly don't know 'me' - may think this is a crazy idea or a moment in time that you may realize, you truly don't know me. My faith is quite strong, and although very tested at many times and times where I admit strayed away, it's still there. God has always been there - but now I want and need him to be even closer.

Before I begin, I need to recollect in who I am, was and want to be. You see, losing weight isn't something that is going to come naturally. Being overweight runs in my family. End of story. But other traits that also run in my family include determination, independence and not giving up. I'm there.

So, I introduce you to me.




But, I want this to be me again:





The only thing between the two is time (a period of about two years), life's stresses (some much bigger than others) and a committment to what I wanted to do and be (brings me where I am now). But, from then to where I am now - I want to learn and do it the right way - all the time. Some days I lived off of a piece a chicken and a bag of heated up frozen vegetables in wanting to be who I wanted to be -- I want to turn into a person in who I need to be and will be.

I know this road won't be easy, but I feel I have a good person on my side - and more than one on my side who knows that this is one the stresses I have in life but has been along with me on the ride, no matter how many valleys it took.

With encouragement (don't know how much credit she knows she deserves) I have started to read a new book, Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. It kind of mirrors the verbage of the book of the 30 Days of Change I read in making my big change of walking away from my job with no plans in place last year around this time.



But, this is different. I hope, but know.

In the introduction it starts about Finding Your "Want To" and although my mind goes to the pictures of who I was and want to be - it's more

"really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifce."

Instead of blocking it away hoping that "another day - typically always later" is a good day to start you have to be honest in knowing today is right. You see, I wanted to buy this book awhile ago when Michelle was mentioning it on Facebook and her blog, but didn't end up buying it until am month ago when I was randomly browsing a Christian bookstore in Oakdale ... and it took until tonight, when I got frustrated with my husband where I picked it up and started reading. Unfortunetly it took unrelated drama to be where I am now, but in a weird way, I feel it was God's way of saying that I needed to turn back my trust and guide in and to him, in more than one ways of my current situation in life.

So, here I sit and continue to read. Dealing with her "number" (aka easy way to say the weight in a semi-trendy way) she says: "

In my case, the number itself was not my issue. The issue is how I felt mentally, spiritually, and physically. It was time to be honest with myself.

I think we all get to a place sometimes in our lives when we have to give a brutally honest answer to the question, "How am I doing?" It's not really a conversation we have with a friend or family member. It's one of those middle-of-the-night contemplations when there's no one to fool. There's no glossing over the realities staring at us in the face."

It goes on that following the verse of Matthew 19:21, we are to give up earthly possessions in which we get value, comfort and pride from and simply follow him. I look at my life and the job that I'm in now - and admit, I get paid well and enjoy what I do - but it's again not a job I love. There were values in moving to Eau Claire and I enjoy 'working' for the company I do - but I know there is still more out there for me. I'll be sure to bring you along that ongoing journey as well.

"Shallow desires produce only shallow efforts" * "I finally had to admit the truth that what I eat matters. My weight is a direct reflection of my choices and the state of my health." * "I had to decide i was tired of settling, tired of compromising."

I personally have never felt so motivated in my life right now, but I'll be honest I know this feeling won't last. It won't be easy. I've been there before - I've done this and done that. I've lost and felt great --- but now I look at myself and have gained it all back, and more.

I used to feel so proud after running a 5K - but now have a strong goal in doing it again.

"Because I know I can."